Social Anxiety: Understanding the Fear of Being Judged

If you’ve ever walked into a classroom, a party, or even a video call and suddenly felt your chest tighten or your thoughts spiral, you’re not alone. Many teens and young adults I support here in British Columbia tell me it feels like their brain is warning them something will go wrong, even though the situation is actually safe. If that sounds familiar, this post is for you.

My goal is to help you understand what social anxiety feels like, why it happens, and how you can begin facing it gently and gradually. This isn’t therapy, but it is a supportive starting point to learn about what you’re experiencing and what can help.

What Does Social Anxiety Feel Like From the Inside?

If you live with social anxiety, you probably already know it’s more than simple shyness. It can feel like your body and your thoughts team up to convince you that everyone is watching, evaluating, or judging you.

People often describe:

• A tight chest or fast heartbeat when walking into a social situation

• Worries like “What if I look awkward?” or “What if I say something weird?”

• Feeling hyper-aware of your voice, your facial expressions, or where to put your hands

• Wanting to participate but worrying you will embarrass yourself

• Replaying conversations afterward and feeling upset with yourself

None of this means there is anything wrong with you. These reactions are incredibly common, especially during the teen and young adult years when identity, friendships, and social roles are changing. Your brain is doing its best to protect you from perceived danger, even when that danger is imagined rather than real.

In my practice here in BC, I often see young people who are high achieving, sensitive, thoughtful or caring deeply about how they show up for others. Social anxiety tends to grow in those exact strengths. The problem isn’t you. It’s that your nervous system learned to react quickly and intensely to social situations.

How Does CBT Explain Social Anxiety?

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is one of the most evidence-based approaches for treating social anxiety. It helps you understand the cycle that keeps anxiety going and what you can do to interrupt it.

One way to understand social anxiety is through two key CBT ideas:

1. Cognitive Restructuring

This involves learning to spot the automatic thoughts that pop up in social situations. These thoughts are usually quick and harsh. For example:

• “Everyone thinks I am awkward.”

• “I will mess this up.”

• “People are judging me.”

CBT helps you gently question these thoughts by looking at the evidence. Most people are much more focused on themselves than on analysing you. When your brain realises that your feared outcome is unlikely or exaggerated, the anxiety begins to lessen.

2. Exposure

Exposure is the practice of facing situations that trigger anxiety in small, manageable steps. The goal is not to force yourself into overwhelming experiences. Instead, it’s about slowly teaching your brain that social experiences are safe.

With repeated practice, your nervous system learns that the situation isn’t dangerous. Your confidence grows because you have real experiences showing that you can handle the situation.

Exposure works best when it is:

• Gradual

• Planned

• Supported

• Tracked over time

This approach helps create long-term change rather than temporary relief.

How Can You Begin Facing Social Anxiety in Gentle, Doable Steps?

You do not need to jump into public speaking or crowded events to make progress. Small steps matter. In my work with young people, we build an exposure ladder, which means starting at the easiest step and slowly moving upward.

Here are some simple ways to start:

Start with body-based strategies

Practice grounding strategies like slow breathing or feeling your feet on the floor before entering a social situation. This helps calm your nervous system.

Ease into eye contact

Try a brief, gentle moment of eye contact with a cashier, barista, or classmate. One to two seconds is enough to begin strengthening confidence.

Practice conversation starters

Choose a couple of simple phrases you can rely on, such as:

• “How is your day going?”

• “What classes are you taking this term?”

• “I like your backpack or jacket or water bottle. Where did you get it?”

• “Have you watched anything good recently?”

Having a few go-to options can make things feel less intimidating.

Try micro-exposures

These might include:

• Saying hello instead of avoiding it

• Asking a small question in class

• Joining a group conversation for thirty seconds

• Keeping your camera on for part of a video call

The focus is not on performing perfectly. It is on showing up in a small way, noticing the anxiety rise, and letting it come back down naturally. That process teaches your brain a new story about what you can handle.

Are You Really Alone in This? (Short Answer: No)

Even though social anxiety feels isolating, you are far from alone. Many young people, especially during times of transition like high school, post-secondary, or early career, struggle with the fear of being judged.

If you want to learn more or explore additional resources, Anxiety Canada offers excellent evidence-based information and tools that many of my clients find helpful. You can find their social anxiety resources here.

A Few Last Words of Hope

Social anxiety can feel overwhelming, but it is also highly treatable. With support, skill-building, and a little patience, your confidence grows and your world becomes bigger. You do not have to push yourself into uncomfortable situations all at once. You can build change gently, at your own pace.

If you are a teen or young adult here in British Columbia and you are looking for support, I offer CBT-based therapy online in a way that feels safe, collaborative, and grounded. You are welcome to reach out, ask questions, or book a consultation if you want to explore whether this kind of support could help you feel more at ease in your social world.

You deserve to feel connected, confident, and understood. And you do not have to figure this out alone.

This content is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health treatment. If you're struggling with social anxiety, please consult with a qualified mental health professional.